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Showing posts from August, 2020

I finally Get why Alice's sister Fell Asleep in the Shade!

   Yes, I do mean Alice as in Alice in Wonderland. She  who, 150 years later, was to inspire plot-lines for Soaps and B-Grades with the (now) evergreen It Was All a Dream- ending for years to come. And the reason I am referring to Alice is because, until those hot days we had recently, I never had completely understood how, on a hot summer's day, anyone could really fall asleep under a tree? Not that I ever breathed this puzzlement to a soul: nothing I had ever read, seen or heard over an increasingly longer period of time, seemed to indicate there was a flaw in this reasoning. Everyone else obviously understood.  As this has undoubtedly been the status quo for around three quarters of a rather peripatetic life, one sometimes one has to get a grip on asking too many questions. The line people draw between eagerly intelligent fact gathering, and total imbecility, is shorter than you may realise. But now, finally, like a bucket of iced-water over the head, I discovered that shade

Colour Me and Billy Connolly Offended.

The day I learned that Billy Connolly shared my utter contempt, my revulsion, my deepest loathing for the colour beige, I think I fell a little bit in love with him. Because to me, beige is the colour of all white underwear after a few turns in the washing-machine. It's the colour snowy white pillow cases turn, so your bold black & white colour scheme exists only in your imagination after a couple of months. Beige is also the colour of the underneaths of things: the underneath of your most dashingly upholstered sofa is beige. As are the underneaths of my own arms in winter. Beige too, is renowned for being the colour of stodge: suet dumplings, porridge, sliced bread labelled 'wholewheat', and custard that you make from cornflour because you've run out of Birds gaily familiar yellow powder. It's also the colour of tie-dyed 'white-bits' when you use Household Bleach to strip colour. Or when it splashes on your clothes - so that instead of looking interesti